Where's the sleep?

Oh mah gah. Is it really not even 6:00 am?

Now, I've known people who have actually struggled with legitimate insomnia for more than just a night. I'm not trying to compete with anyone here but I am going to over-exaggerate the rest of this post for dramatic and comedic effect. Capiche?

I'm not going to say that yesterday was the worst day ever. But on a scale from "awesome" to "catastrophe" it was just a hair past "uneventful". For example, I learned that Hot FedEx guy is married. So I will secretly refer to him as Dead To Me FedEx Guy (if I'd been as awesome at ring-spotting as my friends Gina and Katie, this would have never been an issue but maybe DTMFedEx Guy shouldn't wear gloves just because it's 18 degrees outside, pansy). Whateve, that's fine. Some days you don't even get it that good. Some people wake up chained to hotel beds without any clothes. Now, that's worth whining about.

But I got home from work at 8:00 pm and I have to go back at 9:00 am so I think you can all understand why I promptly changed into my jammies upon entering my house. I got my curly fries (because who's going to cook when they get off work at 8:00, not this guy) in hand and I opened my laptop and... okay I can't think of a humorous way to say it but it was not working. I knew exactly what the problem was, I'd been having some trouble with the charger and I'd been thinking about maybe looking into getting a new one. But I didn't. And the A/C adapter just bit it. Oddly enough, not the first thing to die on my living room floor in 2011.*

So I went to Walmart and found Sean and said, "Sean, my charger died! Help!" And he said, "You can have this one, it's $90." And I said, "What the damn?!" And he said, "Or this one is $69. *snicker* sixty-nine." So I took that one and I was glad that I brought my employee discount card because I saved almost eight bucks. Which did not make me feel better until I opened the box and sang to myself, "Worth it!"

I'm going to take a break from the story and tell you (one of you, in particular, I know is probably irritated with my lack of shopping around) that I know I could have gotten one for, like, fifteen cents on eBay but it's not so easy to buy stuff on eBay when your computer is inoperable and also I need to get famous, like, now and I can't wait around for some dude in Sweden to pack up a charger that may or may not fit my American pluggies. Another thing, it totally charges my iPod in the wall and came with lots of extra tips so I'ma charge all your shit. Welcome.

It was about ten when I got home and then I had to check Facebook, my emails, the stats on this here blog (I have an addiction to the stats) I'm such a popular person, you don't even know. My brain was in a lot of places. Other, unmentionable things were on my mind and I really wanted to write a super funny post so that you'd have something to read but I wasn't so much in a funny or focused mood. I knew the only way to be awesome would be to just go to bed. It wasn't easy but I went down and fell asleep hard. I stirred and checked my phone to see the time. It said 2:00 exactly. I had a terrible (like there's a good one) Ke$ha lyric stuck in my head (I feel defeated that I just spelled a word with a dollar sign in the middle of it) and it wouldn't go away. Then the unmentionable came back to my brains and now here I am, four and a half hours later and I'm just up--dwelling. I fought it for a long time. That's the worst part, really. Not that you're awake but that you hate that you're awake. At about 4:30 or 5:00 my sister got online. She has a baby and he doesn't sleep. She accepted her fate and put on a pot of coffee, so I did the same. Talking to my sister will almost always give me some perspective and helps me feel better about anything. Maybe not bursting-with-rainbows kind of happy but better, and that's nice.

Do you have any fall-asleep-now tactics or does everyone just kind of lay there with eyeballs forced shut?

*I took a picture of the last thing that died on my floor, I can show it to you if you're interested. Note: it's not an electronic device.