Sunday, January 16, 2011

"This is not a hooker/ pimp transaction."


Well, hello everyone. I see you there, putting off something relatively important because you're wondering how I spent my whole entire Sunday. I'll tell you something interesting: the closest thing to human interaction I had, today, was an actual phone conversation with my sister. And that lasted eight minutes. That wasn't a cry for pity, or anything. I didn't even notice it until right this second.I decided to document my day, for you, in various forms of mixed media. So don't forget to click links to get the fullest of effects.
My day began in the usual way (cut to montage of me in various positions in bed, feigning a sleep disorder). I laid in bed until I had to pee so bad that I got up. Who needs an alarm clock when your bladder goes off, promptly, at 8:34 am? The answer is, only people who have to be at work earlier than that. Or also people who would not trust their bladders to wake them.
I would imagine. I got up. Decided not to shower today (a bold move, if I do say so). And sat on my couch, catching up on reading some blogs and watching Charlieissocoollike. I also ate a cupcake. I made cupcakes last night but despite having all of the ingredients necessary in creating frosting, I just didn't feel like making any. Does that make my cupcake a muffin? Is the frosting central to the identity of the cupcake? Do you see that crazed look in my eye?

Via a stream-of-conscience bunny trail, I found my way from YouTube over to My Damn Channel which has been, simply put, the highlight of my weekend (except for one other thing). I just recently started following Daily Grace on YouTube and learned, today, that My Damn Channel has a whole archive of Daily Grace vlogs!! So, yes, I spent probably about 60% of my day, sitting on my couch with an ever full cup of coffee and my computer on my lap watching Grace mature into the woman that I have a girl crush on, today. So, mostly I did this:
My Damn Chanel got me really, really excited about this new show called Portlandia. They played the same two commercials between every single episode of Daily Grace and I didn't even mind because I couldn't get enough of Fred Armisen making this face:
I know, I'm at least a decade too late to be saying this but I am really starting to love the internet. A lot. Alot.

But I didn't just watch the internets. No, no. I also did some grown-up, clean-your-damn-house stuff. And I photographed it. PHOTO MONTAGE! Only not really a montage, just a collection of some photographs of super-basic things I did today featuring sexy editing.

Like, the sexy coffee:
And then after I drank all of the coffee and watching all of the Daily Grace, I couldn't take it anymore. Grace inspires me to wax my eyebrows. When I was doing that, I was thinking about how when I don't wear my glasses, my eyes go crossed. But when I look in the mirror, I can't see my eyes cross. So I decided to take a picture of it and then post it on the internet. Because I am without shame despite the fact that I'm still wearing last night's make up. Cosmo would not be proud.

It doesn't look to me like they're crossed but there is, for sure, a difference between the too. Optometrists have told me for years that my eyes, more or less, see independently from one another and not as a team. Yes, that seems to be manifesting itself right here on my face. Right Eye says, "I'm full of wonder and excitement. I like sheep!" Left Eye says, "Can't you see that I'm flirting with you?" Right Eye, innocent and a little special but still cute. Left Eye: horny. Wa. Waaa.

But then, with the help of both my eyes and some other parts of my body, I turned this:
into this:
By way of this:
Hooray for teamwork, body!
I specifically did my dishes so that I could take those two photographs. It wasn't until I'd finished the chore that I realized that I could have just moved all of the dirty dishes to get the clean shot. Oh well, you live and you learn.

Then I made this for dinner because it makes me conjure up my youth. Did you know that you can make it without meat? I did.
My sister hates it like I hate Jell-O.

3 comments:

hilah said...

Are you telling me you wax your eyebrows AT HOME? BY YOURSELF? And your eyes don't burn off?! How is that possible?!

grinsandsniffles said...

You're right. I do hate Hamburger Helper. I really really hate it.

Libby Marie said...

Yes, ma'am! I use this schtuff:
http://www.drugstore.com/qxp143032/parissa/strip_free_hot_wax_short_coarse_hair.htm

Not that there haven't been casualties. Oh, no. But you learn how to do it. There are two key things to keep in mind:
1. Make sure you're wearing a shit-ton of mascara so that if you do happen to get some in the eyelash area--it won't stick. I don't even want to go into detail about THAT TIME.
2. If you stir up the wax, it starts to cool off and it's easier to manage on your little wooden stick and then you won't go drippin molten lava all over the place.

I'm glad we had this talk.

(Seriously, I got really excited when I got an email from Hilah.)

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