Sunday, May 22, 2011

Men are From Earth and Women are From Earth, Also

They say that to be a modern woman, there are certain things that are simply non-negotiable. Certain things that we must accept about ourselves--things that people have spent years researching which makes them indisputable facts. So, please just turn your attention to the things over which we have more control. Things like, which brand of mascara to use or which type of cocktail you will sip at a bar while waiting for a handsome gentleman to offer to buy you another. Even in this enlightened, 21st century, decades and decades post-women's-lib society--there are simply some things about being a woman that are just a part of being a woman.
  • They say that to be a woman, I will never be able to come to a discernible conclusion about anything. And once I do--then I will inevitably change that decision. It's my prerogative.
  • They say that hell hath no fury like me--scorned.
  • They say that I will always be late because of my detailed beauty regimen.
  • They say that I will never be the prettiest girl in the room.
  • They say that if I focus on my achievements, then I won't care that I'm not the prettiest girl in the room.
  • They say that I should still maintain that detailed beauty regimen or I'll have difficult time finding a man who will love me forever.
  • They say that I don't need a man in my life to be personally satisfied.
  • They write thousands of articles about how to keep the man in my life personally satisfied--lest he leave me.
  • They all sigh, collectively, if I don't want to reproduce.
  • They all sigh, collectively, if I do.
  • They say that I will always have to work like mad for an orgasm--that is one the rarest of occasions when I am in the mood for sex in the first place.
  • They say that my moods, eating habits and actions are all hormonally driven and that I am not responsible for myself for an entire week out of every month.
  • They say that being a bitch is respectable. They say that being a wallflower is cowardly.

  • They say that as a man, getting dressed is never a challenge and the fact that you're wearing more than underpants is an accomplishment to be applauded.
  • They say that you will be bold and direct and always know exactly what you want without question.
  • They say that you are the more competent driver--in all situations.
  • They say that you will loaf around the house and accomplish little more than going to work in a day.
  • They say that you're too attached to your mother and that is your primary drive in seeking a life-mate.
  • They say that you have a fear of commitment and will never remain faithful to that life-mate.
  • They say that you are a liar and that you don't mean any of the nice things that you have said to me because...
  • They say that you are directed only by your genitals and are not responsible for the things that they lead you to do.
  • They say that you will be selfish in bed and not even remotely interested in the mapless terrain that is the female body.
  • They say that she will expect you to inherently know how she works.
  • They say that you are stupid and must always be reminded of even the most basic life-tasks.

  • They say that I will want to marry you because I have an unquenchable need for reproduction and that I want to have all of the comforts of a middle-class life without putting in a day of work.
  • They say that you will want to marry me because you'll never again have to work for sex and you'll always have dinner when you come home at night.

They're ignoring a lot, I think.

It's true that I, personally, am not an incredible decision maker. That's not one of my strong points. I really don't know a lot of people who are, though. If you really think about it--hanging out with those kinds of people are kind of annoying anyway. More often than not, I sit around in the living room playing "What do you wanna do?" "I dunno. What do you wanna do?" game with fella friends just as often as I do with my girl-type friends. So either this is a human problem, or I seem to attract seriously boring types. If that's the case, though, I'm fine with it.
I have noticed, ever since my college days, that I tend to wait around for guys to finish doing whatever that it is they do before we leave. I'm generally ready (until recently--but I've gotten kind of not great at time-management in the past year or so) on time and I'm waiting around for the mail companions to send me a "im rdy" text message so we can get on with whatever it is that we have planned. It is true that the last things that ladies are doing is trying on different shoes or wondering, "wait--maybe I should put my hair up?"
Orgasms? Please.
And I know guys with more shoes and hair products than I have. I know women with impeccable senses of direction. Boys who get queasy at the thought of a spider. Girls who are in no way kind or demure.

So maybe men and women--they're just people. We're people who were born into a world--into the arms of people who were just people. The problem is that when we focus on all of those things that we think are so different about us--and they're trivial matters, really, but our expectations for one another are shaped by these supposed bits of unlikeness.

A lot of girls that I know are looking for husbands. And they're looking for the strong, bold, decisive--yet sensitive and thoughtful men who are tall and have strong shoulders and everything will be happily ever after. I can't speak to what men are looking for from the women in their lives as I only have assumptions to run on and that would completely negate my point. It's just that I think that it's one thing to be attracted to, say, a decisive personality. It's another thing entirely to assume that because he's not the first one to say "hello" that your whole life will go up in shambles if you start to kind of like him a little bit.
And I think that a lot of girls also forget the fact that they get to like whoever they're with. I know too many girls who started going out with guys (and a few who married them) that they didn't necessarily like, the guy just asked and they were like, "I guess this is it."

Sometimes boys are shy and sometimes girls are strong and sometimes opposites don't necessarily attract.

I think, and you can correct me if you think I'm totally full of it, that maybe people should look for patience and kindness from other people--from people that they want to befriend and people that they want to love and people that they have a choice in contacting. I think that after patience and kindness comes all manner of good things. Things that make trivial differences bearable and good things more awesome.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is Katie.


(Blogger is being toad poopy today.)

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