"There's no hope for you--just quit trying."

It was the rule in our house that you couldn't start wearing makeup until you were 16. Naturally, I started stealing rubs of my mom's eyeliner at about 14. Fellows don't get it: brothers, boyfriends, neighbors, strangers, invisible males on the internet. All through my adolescence and even still, well into my adulthood, I hear guys say the same thing. "I don't get why girls wear makeup. I think you look just the same with it as you do without it." This is... infuriating for a lady to hear.

I realize (I think) that what you're (if you know what's good for you, anyway) saying is, "I think you're pretty without makeup on. I also think you're pretty with makeup on." But what it sounds like is, "There's no hope for you--just quit trying."

So I've done you a "favor", gentlemen. I've sacrificed myself, my face and, perhaps even, a little bit of my dignity to give you a run-down about why girls put stuff on their faces and do their hair. I realize that I'll never have a sleep-over type friend after the world sees this first picture depicting what I actually look like in the morning. That's a bullet I'm willing to bite. Because when you say, "I don't see no difference." What we hear is, "Ickyface."

(And for the record, this took 20 minutes--including the time it took to reset the self-timer on the camera about 30 times and the occasional musical interlude. Not including the shower.)

Also I want to remind you that once Oprah went on TV without any makeup on and everyone was all, "Oh! She's so brave!" But she had at least showered. That's right, I'm braver than Oprah.

Let's not pretend like this isn't a marginal improvement.