Sunday, March 27, 2011

After I posted this, all the ads on my side bar are for things like the Oral B tongue cleaner. What Google must think of me...

Dear Libby, In a previous blog, you wrote about kissing with tongues. Do people really do that? How do they do that? Signed, Seriously

Well, Seriously, I'm going to go ahead and address your question as though it was a legitimate one even though I'm fairly confident that, despite your name, you are travestying. Why? Because there are people in the world who really do wonder about that part. Some people don't really give it much thought--but they should. And with that, I'll just provide you with the words of the delightfully precise and inarguable advice of one John Green in a short excerpt from his award-winning novel, Paper Towns*.
" 'As far as I can tell, there are two basic rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission, and 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly.' "
So, there. That's about it. I hope that helps.
That's the only question that anyone asked me, but this is a very short post and so I'll leave you with some unsolicited advice in the form of a footnote.

Have a similar, sticky social situation? Comment, email, Facebook, whathave you. I'll get to it. It would be helpful if you would clarify how many times you'd like me to incorporate the F word into my answer. Just so I know what I'm working with, here.

*If you're ever thinking, "I wish I had something to read. But I'm not, like, in a Crime and Punishment sort of mood because who has the time and brain capacity for sorting out all of those names, let alone following kind of a convoluted plot line." I'm going to tell you that you should read Paper Towns. The first time that I read it, it took about two days. Mind you, it was a weekend in which I had absolutely zero commitments and after the prologue I was hooked. "Margo always loved mysteries. And in everything that came afterward, I could never stop thinking that maybe she loved mysteries so much that she became one." I mean, is there a better way to end a prologue? Basically, what he did here was say, "The story to follow is going to be really great and I know I've already got you under my thumb so just keep reading, you bastard." Only John Green is a pretty nice guy, as far as I can tell, and he probably wasn't thinking that at all.
More than just being a fun story to read, I loved Paper Towns because it (along with most of his other books) echos the deepest cry of my very soul. I know that sounded really dramatic but if there's a more reasonable metaphor, I haven't thought of it yet. The point being that people are people. Complex creatures. Everyone is. Pretty, young, rich, suburban girls are complex beings. Meth-addicted bedraggled old men in rural Montana are complex beings. Everyone has a story. Everyone wants something. Everyone loves something.
The second time that I read it, it took me about three months because I ate it in very short, acute spurts and took notes throughout on his writing style because, man, if that guy doesn't know how to push along a story with intention and fury and flair, then I don't know what he can do. If I could do that even a little bit, even to a fraction of the degree that he can, even if it's all complete mimicry, then I'll have written one great story. One that I'll equally hope to God that he never read but will also totally read so that we can be friends.

PS I got that photo from here, it's cool. There are lots of creepy/ awesome pics used to advertise Wasabi Chips.


Ryan said...

Short. Sweet. I like it.

Katie Hurl said...

When kissing, do not stick your tongue down an unsuspecting persons throat. That is all.*

*I may or may not have been the victim of some such happening and I may or may not have been scarred for life.

Anda said...


I found another nerdfighter who loves Jenny? Worlds are colliding.

I loved this post, footnote and all.

(As a side note for the book: For best Paper Towns results, listen to John himself read it to you. He's very...narrator. It's lovely.)

Libby Marie said...

Oh my goodness, I'll bet that is a treat in and of itself.

Ryan said...

Self-referential blog title is self-referential.

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