Me: Dude, I just found out that there's such a thing as a 24 karat gold vibrator. And I want it. Just to say I have a 24kt gold vibrator. Who wouldn't?!
Alyssa: Haha! I'm with you!
Me: ...it's just under $350. I actually considered it for about thirty seconds.
Alyssa: It's cheaper than a wedding band.
Alyssa: Can I ask how you came into this information?
Me: Oh, the internet. You know how it is. You click on one link and another and another and before you know it you're browsing luxury sex toys hoping no one inspects your search history.
Me: Can I put this conversation on the internet?
And as if you weren't already reevaluating our Facebook friendship, dear reader, yeah I'm going to throw in a picture. You want it, too.
It's going to be weird to look each other in the eye, tomorrow. I know. You'll be fine.