Monday, December 6, 2010

All About Me Pt. 1

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a mall with my friends, browsing Victoria's Secret and, needless to say, feeling pretty downright shitty. If one is like me, when one feels shitty, one goes into a book store and spends one's money impulsively. I did that. I bought this horrible book. It's called All About Me and it's essentially a bunch of questions that you answer. Like an inefficient, neatly bound meet-my-folks pre-screening. At the time it seemed like something that was right up my alley. Anyone who knows me knows I can't get enough of talking about myself. But, eh. It's no fun. What's the point? I already know the answers to these questions. There's no point in documenting it.
So, in an effort to not have totally wasted twelve dollars, I'll fill out parts of this book in front of you. Opening randomly to pages and filling it out. Sound like a plan? Oh, sure.

Page 43:

Three things you would never do:
1. Take a Jell-o shot. One part hard liquor + two parts gelatinous texture + swift movements = a sure-fire recipe for unwanted vomit.
2. Bungee jump. Base jump. Cliff dive. Sky dive. Baisically, I know for a fact that my brain wouldn't ever allow its body to plummet, despite any safety precautions that may be in place.
3. Willfully and intentionally cause bloody, bodily harm to another person. I could probably kick someone in the head or the knee caps or the nuts but I could never knowingly make them bleed. Or give them a shot. So if you're the type of person who may one day require an emergency shot to keep you alive, maybe let's make a rule that we're never left alone together. Because I won't be able to do it.

Three charities or people to whom you do or would donate money:
1. The Liz Logelin Foundation ( From the website: The Liz Logelin Foundation was established to assist families who find themselves in the heartbreaking, catastrophic situation of having lost a spouse, life-partner, and parent. The Foundation’s goal is to financially assist these families as they deal with the loss of their loved ones, and struggle to move forward. Having completely been in this position, myself, how could I not contribute to the help? I can't imagine how my mother's life would have been different had something like this been established ten years ago. (Read this:
2. That's about it, why would I tell you about some charity that I considered helping?

Three things that you would not allow your children to do:
1. Lie. I think grown ups lie a lot and I think that kids catch on to it quickly and I think for the rest of their lives they're completely unable to take someone at face value. Or maybe that's just me.
2. See the bad without seeing some good. I don't know if I would consider that something that I'm in charge of but if I was in charge of raising a person I'd hope that they grew to be capable of complex appreciation and see others as neither good nor bad but simply, magnificently human.
3. Eat trans-fats.

Three things you have done in your life that you regret:
1. Here's another one-line list. I don't want to say "no regrets" but mostly because that's lame and also cliche and I fancy myself too cool for those sorts of shenanigans. But, truly, I do regret that I spent so much time and effort keeping myself from doing regretful things.

Three things for which you are thankful:
1. My house is gorgeous in the right light. It's in the right light right now. There are lights on a Christmas tree that are being reflected in a skinny window that flanks the fireplace where there sits a wine bottle, a bouquet of lilies and wheat and a stack of records. It's gorgeous and it's mine and I have ownership over this tiny, insignificant piece of world. I wish you could see it right now.
2. I have these people in my life who genuinely like me--a lot. And I don't think I tricked them into it but I may have.
3. Have you ever witnessed generosity from a third-person perspective? You can't see that and not feel grateful to something for getting to see it--for knowing that you've been the recipient--for knowing that you could be the benefactor in some way. Being a human is terrible sometimes but being a human is mind-blowing, too.

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