- The Internet Robots Want to Make Sure That They Are the Only Robots on the Internet.
- The Internet Robots are Watching Your Every Move.
- Miscellaneous Things That Do Not Involve Internet Robots
Let's just dive right in, shall we?
1. The Internet Robots Want to Make Sure That They Are the Only Robots on the Internet and so they devised this flawless plan. Now I never, ever get spammed. Except when I still do.
2. The Internet Robots are Watching Your Every Move and they report back to me. I learn all sorts of things about you. Like, a lot of you are coming from styleaddicted.net! OMG, like thanks and stuff and I'm all flattered that you'd associate with me or whatever. Let's see where else are you coming from? ...Hummer Club? What the fuck, you guys?
Sometimes I say, "I will look at the stats and see if anything weird happened to my blog when I wasn't watching."
And then I see that over the course of one hour, despite the complete dead time on either side, one day at 8:00 am, over fifty people looked at my page. Weird, Internet. Weird. It has me racking my brain trying to figure out what that was about but, nope, nothing special. Just one of those weird flukes.
Let's see what phrases people use to find their way over here, this is always fun:Someone's so smart to a) read Anne Lamott, b) know that "don't be an asshole" is the number one rule and then c) read my page. I'm certain we'd be friends.
Huh. Someone Googled "morrissey teeth". That's weird.
Someone thinks I drink too much... that's cool. I'm, you know, comfortable with my amount of alcohol intake but if you want to be judgy, that's cool. I guess.
"Morrissey teeth, again?" Alright.
Who the hell put "Bronte" and "Macfarlane" in the same search box?
"Lies told by hideous men" oh, that just makes me sad.
"Morrissey teeth"... yet again.
Bup. Bup. Bup. If there's one thing that's more sad than the search for "lies told by hideous men", it would have to be "hideous men, sex scene" directly followed by "if a girl say you are not my type". Oh, it's a pitiful day on the interwebs.
3. Miscellaneous Things That Do Not Involve Internet Robots but things that I saw that I either loved a lot, like this comment about John Green from a YouTube video...
...or things that I did not like so much, like how Netflix created a film genre based on my past movie choices? I will have to say that I don't agree with Netflix's assessment of my cinematic tastes.
And... am I wrong? Is "bong" something else entirely? Like, something that is conducive to Mommy Blogging and cherry pie and curly typeface?
This won't work. Never will this ever, ever, work:
And when I found this retweet by Zooey Deschanel from Ben Gibbard about Dave Bazan's new record and their friendship and what not, I got kind of a girl boner just thinking about it.
Enjoy your day!
Love, love, love, your friend, Libby.