Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Delicious, Delicious, Cocaine

Yesterday we got too serious. Today is full of screen shots and humor. And also deliciousness.
I saw this picture over at Tastespotting, today and I have to admit that I'm past the point of being frickin' annoyed about how everyone thinks they're just adorable for putting the word "crack" in front of a food item. What the hell kind of a world are we living in? "Say 'no' to drugs, kids. But you know what's soooo good? Like, delicious. Like--ugh! I can't even describe it, it's like caramel and whipped cream only instead of eating it you sniff it up your nose. No--no--no it's awesome. But it's so awesome that if you try it once you'll never stop tasting it's sweet, sweet awesomeness and you'll die. So... like I said, say 'no' to drugs. Even delicious ones that taste like caramel corn, I guess."
I mean what the hell, you guys? So I did a quick search and took a screen shot of the stupid, inappropriate usages of "crack" as found at www.tastespotting.com. I didn't even try hard. I'm sure throughout the internet there are millions of stay at home moms thinking they're super edgy.

I could have accepted "Crack Cookies", possibly. If they were all crackly or something but no way are you skating by with "'Crack' Cookies."
Okay, actually better known as, "I just want to find the quickest and most delightful way to kill you a little bit." Bacon: Heart disease, Bourbon: alcohol poisoning, Caramel corn: I'm going to choke you and glue your molars together, how does that sound?
Popcorn again? Really? You at least get points for using the word "addictive". You may be dumb but you're not stupid and I applaud that.

And now, all those brownies that are "just like crack". Delicious, delicious crack cocaine.
They're not known as that, that's what you call them at your PTA meetings and all the ladies "ooh" and "aah" but you know what? They go home and they talk to their husbands about how Patty brought these brownies and seemed to know just a little too much about illicit drugs.
Look at that! Again. You guys must be in the same PTA.
Yeah, we know you didn't come up with the name but you could probably come up with a different name. Try something realistic like, "better than brownies that don't contain peanut butter" or "better than getting mocked on the internet by some girl who totes stole that recipe after she screen shot that picture". (Not true, I didn't take that recipe. I only like real drugs in my brownies.)
Oh look at that. Garlic is like crack too, huh? Wow. I like it. It's delicious. Delicious and gives me bad breath but not delicious and makes me jittery and emaciated. So, whatever. Potato/ potato.
Oh my gosh! :) Garlic again! That's so... clever or something. Ah! Careful! Don't get addicted to the garlic chips. Don't start paying for these chips by the kilo or anything. Unless you're willing to do that... in which case, I'm looking to open up shop.
Seriously? That's too far. You're kidding me. This blog is called "whiteonricecouple" well... I would guess so. These are the same people who brought you the Garlic Knots that are worth ruining your life over. Real cool, guys.
Okay, now there. You see that? That is how you describe a friggin delicious cheesecake. No crack. D.A.R.E. to keep foodies off drugs, y'all.

Have we forgotten what crack is really like? You know what's like crack??

How delicious are those brownies?


Kristin W said...

Bahaha! Oh Amy Wienhouse... the epitome of crack. Loved this!

P.S. I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to try those garlic knots... just sayin'.

The Foreigners said...


I want to insert a link to a clip of the office episode where Ryan snaps at Pam for such usage, however, I can only find the whole episode...so here is the written dialogue:

Pam: Their breadsticks are like crack.
Ryan: I love it when people say "like crack" who have obviously never done crack.
Pam: Well the breadsticks are like what, then, Ryan? What can I use?
Ryan: I don't know, something from your world. "The breadsticks are like scrapbooking."
Pam: You're right. No, I'm a middle class fraud.

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