But what about how, for the past month, all I can think to talk about are things that I really don't feel like getting into in such a public place. You see this? This is, to me, about the social equivalent of having a conversation with two friends in a coffee shop. There are opportunities for other people to listen in. They can if they want--but we all know they won't. I am 93% certain that there aren't any secret readers of this blog. (If I'm wrong, feel free to blow my mind and identify yourself.) I feel like writing a note on Facebook is, maybe, like taking an open-mic night. You can stand up there and say whatever you want to a whole lot of people and they can pay attention or they can keep making out with their girlfriends in the back of the room and at the end, someone will probably have thoughts about what you just said and, depending on the topic, it could get hairy. Or not. Who knows.
Anyway, I don't mind having a conversation about things that I care about deeply. I don't have a problem defending myself and I don't have a problem throwing myself out there for public debate. The problem with saying what I'd really like to be saying--and then broadcasting it into a much more public (and still incredibly personal) venue is that the people on my friends list know me. Or rather, they have an idea about me already. They knew me when we were in the third grade together. Or they changed my diapers. Or they wandered into my life during the Fundie-Evangelical years and then we lost firm touch before I found my head. And all of these people have ideas about me from back in the day, and they can't help it. I do it, too. It just takes a lot of effort to introduce yourself over and over again. A lot of times it's just easier for me to stay quiet or avoidant. I know all that does is help to maintain, if not solidify, those preconceptions. It's not all their fault--they can't help it. I realize it's me, too.
Maybe I'll tackle those things soon. I'll talk about my thoughts on politics, religion, sex, personal identity, food and my ambiguous future. All of those things that I'm not really afraid of--but I am much more happy to leave alone.
Anyway. This will probably be the one post that does end up feeding into my Facebook page. Who's looking forward to that irony?
I'm going to write about books next.