Sunday, June 20, 2010

Now, you say something.

I like to verbally process things for the most part. And without a companion for an actual conversation at the ready, I'm taking it to the blog and looking for input.
Ordinarily when I write, I type a bunch of stuff that I think and then say "There, you, read it and like it." But today will you just talk back to me a little bit?

So I was watching Paper Heart this afternoon. I know you don't all know about this movie so I'll give you some brief context:

So the thing is that Charlyne doesn't believe in love. But everyone else in the whole world, obviously, does. Clearly though, she starts dating Michael Cera and as an audience we're thinking that this relationship will change her thoughts on the love situation. But she maintains that she's not in love with him. He makes her happy. She misses him when he's away. She feels sad when he leaves on semi-uncomfortable terms. He loves her. And yet she maintains that she does not love him. And, I have to tell you, it's not presented in a hostile sort of way. She almost seems apologetic about it. She seems sorry that she can't give him what he wants--which is to be alone with her and for her to just love him.
Most of me thinks that the only reason that Charlyne doesn't "love" Michael is because she's always said for so long that she wouldn't love anyone that now that push comes to shove, she's just being stubborn. I mean--they're clearly in a very happy relationship.
Throughout, she goes and talks to lots of people about love and what it is for them--it seemed like everyone had something different to say. Some people were high school sweethearts, others just like hot wings.

But I'm just wondering, RE your personal definition and in this romantic relation context:

1. What's love, even?
2. Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?
3. Is the being "in love" part pivotal to a happy, maintaining relationship?
4. Have you ever been "in love"? How many times?
5. How did you know?
6. Are you in love now? Would you like to be?

You go first. I'll go in a minute.


JD and Jamie said...

I would like to answer question #1 and #2 together. I believe that, as with any other emotion, there is a range of severity. In the realm of love, and my opinion, the difference between happiness and joy is equal to the difference in kindred love and romantic love.
#3 I believe that love definitely plays an important role in happy marriages, but I believe that the role of maintenance is mainly played by commitment.
#4 I have been in love once.
#5 I knew that I loved JD when a) it was requited b) there was serious commitment and c) I knew that there was literally no one else on the planet that would fit me better than he does.
#6 I am in love, yes.

I do love that movie, but it only made me wish that Charlyne and Michael were ACTUALLY a couple.

Stev said...

1. I don't really know if anyone really knows what love is. Everyone has their own idea what love is, and people who don't really know what it is just pretend they do like how Christians all pretend they know what "sanctified" and "consecrated" mean just so that they don't look bad, even though most have absolutely no idea. Some confuse love with lust, feeling that love is physical. Some confuse love with security, expecting the object of their love to fulfill the void left by an emotionally absent parent. Some expect love to fix all of their shortcomings. They figure that the person they love will make up for everything they just can't get right.
I don't know exactly how to explain what I feel that love is, but I can tell you a million things that love isn't.
2. There is absolutely a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I love my family, but I'm definitely not "in love" with them.
3. Yes, being in love is pivotal to a happy, maintaining relationship, in my opinion. However, there are many other dynamics that have to be present for a relationship to be successful. Most people expect their love for one another to be the sole element sustaining their relationship, and that's just unrealistic.
4. When I was in high school, there were a couple of times that I thought I was in love. I really didn't know anything at that point. By now, I think it was just social pressure to be in love or have a girlfriend because that what everyone else wanted. It was thought that in order to be a good person, someone had to want to spend the rest of their life with you. I so do not believe that anymore.
5. I was 16 or 17. I didn't know.
6. I'm not in love now. I don't know if I'd like to be. I've worked so hard at being independent. It's been my #1 goal for so long. I wouldn't be a good boyfriend or husband because I don't want to share my life.

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