I think everyone kind of dropped the ball on this one.

The preceding is an actual screen shot taken from the Stats page which is designed to let me know phrases that people are Googling to direct people to my page. This helps me to be a better blogger. For you. And so, utilizing this list, I will delve into the mind of the interweb dwellers and give you what you want.

The first three (and subsequently the last two) prove that people like it when I get my lit on. Or at least that they are looking for something that they can't find. Well, actually, my blog is pretty much the only place on the internet where you can find a full version of Robert Frost's The Lovely Shall Be Choosers and so that's where many people come from. I imagine that if they do much more clicking around, though, they get really disappointed really quickly. And to you, Lit Fiends, please know that I'm one of you. I'm one of you! Also, relax a little bit.

The next Googled phrase, though... WTF, interwebs! I can't believe that there's a whole hell of a lot of people out there who want this in their lives one bit. "Libby let's get it on webcam"?!?! I can only hope that the phrase that came before this exclamation was, "Libby! There's a bat loose in the house! Let's watch it turn into a vampire." And then after Libby (whomever she may be) says, "Okay." Then the person turns to her and says, "Libby, let's get it on webcam." Because if this is even remotely close to either of the other options that I'm imagining, the internet and I are going to need to go on a friendship time out.
Vying for internet celebrity, that I can get behind. Solitication of digitally documented liaisons... noooo, nope.

This next one makes me kind of sad. Is the world so void of delights and honest moments that someone actually typed the words, "something sincere" into a search engine? And my blog was what came to aid? I think everyone kind of dropped the ball on this one.

I'm too tired/ not interested in the rest to keep going.
I should make this a regular thing, I think. Only I'll start it earlier in the day.



Have a very sexy Friday, everyone.

We'll just start referring to it as: I'll Get to it When I Get to it

1. How many blogs do you read every day and what are they? (I’m talking the ones you NEVER miss)
There are a lot of blogs that I subscribe to. I don't really read them all but there are several that I read every time they post. But it would be redundant to link you to all of those since I talk about them a lot. Right? Oh well, you can never have too much rep. Am I right, Katie, Jenny, Hilah, Jamie, and Matt? Also, my dear Justin just started a blog and you can follow him ifins you feel so inclined.

2. How many “best friends” do you have? Do you have different “besties” for different areas of your life?
That's a hard question. I will say that I have several favorites. I have favorites for watching movies and favorites for drinking coffee and favorites for telling secrets and favorites for making secrets. And then I have favorites for everything--for every day. There are only a few people on the whole planet with whom I could spend all day every day. But they do exist. Also many of those categories all overlap. I don't have all that many friends but the ones that I do have will make you wish that all of your friends were dead and you could have mine. But you can't. Because I am selfish and I love them.

3. What’s your daily make up routine?
I try to kill two birds with one stone and mix up my moisturizer and the flesh-colored goop and apply it at the same time. Mostly because if that flesh-colored goop goes on all by itself, then it can sometimes make me look like I've been painted flesh-colored, like a dressed up corpse. So there's the flesh-colored goop concoction, then mostly just eyeliner and mascara and tinted lip balm. Unless I'm feeling like I need a lot more coverage/ get really bored and can't put down my eyeliner pen.

4. What is your ideal girl’s night?
I'm not a super typical girl in a lot of ways but when it comes to hanging out with my lady-type friends I do really love a pedicure from those cheap 15 chair situations in the mall. One pedicure will take me an entire summer.
You know, and then we'll go do all those hipster things like eating Italian food at a place where the only tables are in a back alley. And then, we are all lame so we'll probably just go home and eat whipped cream from a can, read each other magazine articles and admire our toes. It's the best.

5. Do you keep up with your nails/toenails or are they au natural?
Uh... I wouldn't say "keep up with" in regards to my toes. I try but not very hard. That is to say that occasionally I'll look down at my toenails and think "they could use a fresh coat." But then I don't. But ever since I've stopped biting my fingernails a few years ago, I have taken the most ultimate pride in my fingertips.
Yesterday I broke several nails and had to cut them all down to nearly nubs. I was sad.

6. What’s your best roommate story (assuming you had a roommate at some point in your life)?
Hmm... I know I've got some good ones. There is the one with Lieutenant Dan (which I absolutely can not tell on the interwebz). There's the night of Big Gulps of Vodka. There's that time that my roommate and her boyfriend abandoned me in a quarry (that's not even remotely close to how it happened but it's the only way the story sounds interesting).

7. What’s your “go to” outfit that you wear more than anything else?
I think that mostly Question Number Seven is saying, "Hey... what are you wearing?" And to that I will respond with, "I'm wearing my favorite jeans with the bottoms rolled up, a tank and a cardigan." This is what I wear most every day. It's easy. I don't know why but I can't feel completely comfortable without exposed ankles.

8. Do you have a beauty secret?
Surround yourself with people who like you for your guts. Also, wash the roots of your hair and condition the ends.

9. Did you read Seventeen magazine growing up?
Doy. Mostly I just read the 4-page long "most embarrassing moments" articles.

10. How did you learn to put on makeup?
Aunt Becky.

Pleased to Have Nothing to Report But Much to Say

I'm going to write one of those pieces that start with, "I don't really have anything to say..." I generally dislike reading those and you probably do, too. And so, if you want to go ahead and skip this then you can. Occasionally I plan what I'm going to write about, I write drafts on paper and I edit and add photographs and work so hard to impress you but not today (I have one in my drafts folder that I've been working on for weeks but I can't guarantee that I'll ever post it). This probably won't impress you at all.

It's not that I don't have anything to say, though. It's kind of like how right now I'm sitting at the dining room table in front of two large windows that face the north. So I'm not blinded by the sunshine that's coming up (I've been awake long enough to see the sun rise). I get to see how the sun shoots through the leaves and lands on tree trunks and reflects glittery through the storm windows and how everything else still looks dark and damp from last night's rain but there's so much yellow, honey sunshine. It's like that--it's like how there's no way for me to take a photograph of it that would let you feel it the way that I am when I'm seeing it all unfold and rise and change and there's no way that I can write about it that would let you actually visualize it. So it's kind of like, "what's the point in even trying?" But the point is that there is something incredible happening and moving and changing and it can't be ignored. And on top of that, it happens every day and it's nothing special except that it is. That's what it's been like inside of my brains.

Once, when I was in the second grade, I remember being so sleepy that when I went to bed I fell asleep instantly and when I woke up I hadn't moved at all and it didn't feel like a night had passed. Hardly even a minute. Then, a few weeks later, we were reading aloud from Little House on the Prairie and almost that exact same thing had happened to Laura and it was probably the first time that a piece of literature made me think, "I can completely relate to this feeling." I mean, now I can't stop feeling that way when I read but that was the first time. I only bring it up because I've been so excruciatingly tired lately. I was not a very good hostess last night when my friends were over. I more or less kicked them out of my house using my razor-sharp lethargy. I didn't even wait for the door to close before I was turning off lights and on my way to my bedroom. And then it was suddenly morning. I woke up refreshed at 6:15 and made a pot of coffee and instead of pouring cream, I poured pineapple juice. I'm not going to tell you what to do but I wouldn't advise that. I wasted two of my favorite beverages in one fell swoop.

So, then I sat here at my table, watching the sun rise and feeling thankful to the internet for alerting me to the fact that Matt Nathanson has a new album and if rent wasn't due this week and if I didn't need to buy grown up things like electricity and gasoline and cat food, then it would have already been impulsively downloaded. I've listened to Faster about half a dozen times.

See how this post wasn't really worth much to anyone but me? Unless you like sexy songs, in which case I'm happy to jump start your ordinary Tuesday on a delightful note.

Clearly, I Am Not A Robot. But That Doesn't Make Me Not-Confused

I love/ hate these things. Feel free to share.


"Loculax:" clearly a product designed specifically to torment me.
You're a bad speller. Also, according to Urban Dictionary "ehate" is "the opposite of being loved or admired on the internet." I can only assume that "ehation" is some variation on that theme and, frankly, as a blogger I don't appreciate it--Robot Detector.

Also, at this point in the game, I just started getting snarky with the internet. Why not? It already ehates me.



I think this last one came from a deleted scene in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. That makes sense to me.

Okay, So It Turns Out That Oprah and I Might Have a Lot of Similar Interests

Attention: I'm aware that the font is all weirdly formatted somewhere around question number four. If you could just ignore that for a little bit, I'll get it straightened out as soon as Blogger will let me. Yeah? Thanks.
Back to regularly scheduled programing:

I usually do ten questions on Friday. But today is my day off and yesterday, at Roots and Rings, I saw that all of the questions were about my most favorite non-breathing thing in the whole world. Suffice it to say that I'm pretty thrilled to get to gush endlessly about books. Now, let me go wash my face and re-fill my coffee and we'll just get right to it. Yeah?

And now for two side notes and a disclaimer.
Side note #1: When you live alone, sometimes you wake up and go to the bathroom and wash your hands without ever facing yourself in the mirror. Then you go about your day and take snapshots all over your house and edit them for your blog. You have two delightful telephone conversations with your sister and you feed your cat. At some point you've been up for three hours and decide to wash your face and you look in the mirror and audibly gasp at the way it looks when you forget to wash away all of the eyeliner and mascara from the previous day before going to bed. Yikes. Yikes x2.

Side note #2: When you run out of coffee creamer, you go on a mad dash about the kitchen looking for a suitable replacement. And you find it. In the freezer. Ice cream in my coffee. This simply can not happen every day but I'm just not going to fight it.

Disclaimer: Any question that asks for my favorite or best or most recommended or anything about the awesomeness of authors or writing or words or anything like that--I mean, the answer is going to have something to do with Anne Lamott. It just is. That's just the truth. But for the sake of the-opposite-of-monotony (who's the wordsmith now, Annie?!) I'll eliminate her as a possible answer. It's not fair to the rest of literature.

1. When someone asks you for a book recommendation, what is your go-to book? Gah! That depends. Is this person looking for something super challenging? The Sound and the Fury. Is this person looking for a classic? Their Eyes Were Watching God (that's the copy that I have and the cover is gorgeous to look at and also to touch). Something to make you feel nostalgic--like a kid again? The Little Prince. A really quick and impossible-to-put-down, fun read that is simple and yet immeasurably valuable? Paper Towns. Usually, I say Paper Towns.

2. Do you buy your books, or are you a library patron? Both. I love both. It's funny because when I walk through any given store, I will go on and on, over in my mind about whether or not I really want to spend this amount of money for this object. I tell myself, "do I really want to spend two whole dollars on boxed Pad Thai?" "Six dollars for razors? Ugh!" And I usually don't buy anything until I tell myself, "You will be hungry and hairy and no one will ever love you if you don't just buy something!" So then I do and I mourn that lost eight bucks. But when I go into a book store? I'm like, "I've never read this or even heard of it. Fourteen dollars? NBD!" And I generally drop thirty dollars or more on paperbacks and I experience no buyer's remorse whatsoever. Sometimes I end up reading these books.
But I also love the library. I love that the community makes reading and sharing important. Also, I can leave the library with hundreds of dollars worth of books at a time and it doesn't cost me a dime. The only time it's terrible is when I love a book so much that I don't want to give it up. Or when I love it so much that I want to underline, highlight and otherwise completely destroy it with my love. That happened with She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. I didn't anticipate how much I would relate to and completely believe this story or this character. I read it in a week and I assure you, that's one long-ass book.

3. E-readers, yay or nay? Oh gawsh. I'm so torn about this subject. On one hand I'm all, "No! Please! God, don't let the books disappear!!" And on the other hand, we're living in a world where people are only happy when there's a blinking screen looking back at them. And we have to accept that. And I think that reading is so important that a little bit of me doesn't give a rip how you do it. Just read. Just read! Expand your mind. Think. Explore. Push your brains to the brink of exhaustion or just read about girls shopping and fucking their way through NYC. I don't care--just get out of your own head for a second. That's what's important. Also, I think that kids might be more apt to read when it's on a novelty item like a Kindle or an iPad and I say do whatever it takes.
But for me. For me. For me--I need the tactile sensation of turning a page. I like going back through my bookshelves and reading the things that I highlighted back when I was in college. I like finding $5 bills that I stashed inside of my old books to reward my future self for revisiting them. I need to feel the paper and the binding and I need to see how much I loved it. I can't even loan my copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower to anyone anymore because there's too much of myself all over and inside of it. I made love to that book. And that's why I'll never buy an e-reader. Borders is closing and that makes me sad. But it kind of makes me excited because everything's so damn cheap. But it's still sad.

4. What was your favorite book as a child? The Velveteen Rabbit. I was a very sensitive kid, which we have discussed ad nauseum, and this book always made me feel. I had a broken heart for that little rabbit. All the way through the end. Also, once when I was in high school, my friend Tamra read it to a group of us late at night when we were all sleepy. That's a happy thing that I think about, sometimes.

5. If you could be any character in a book, who would you be? When I read The Bell Jar, I thought I was Esther Greenwood. And that scared the crap out of me. There's parts of all sorts of characters that I'd like to be, but I can't think of any one person that I'd like to be. I want to be any girl who was bold and confident and knew herself. I want to be innocent and childlike and brave. I think that maybe it's obvious that I just want to be Scout.

6. What book would you love to see turned into a movie? The whole time that I was reading Water For Elephants, I was hungry to see it. I wanted to see the horses and the acrobats and what it looked like to have a chase-down across the top of a moving train. And after I finished it, I scoured the internets to see if they were making a movie of it because there's no way that I was the only person in the world to have this idea. All I found was one little blurb that said that there were talks to make it into a movie. That thrilled me. And now that I see the cast... I'm kind of a little less excited about it. In fact, I was a little bit pissed about it. I know it's not fair but it's true. I mean, I'll still watch it. Don't get me wrong--but I know I won't love it. I'll probably have to re-read the book again just to put that taste back in my mouth.

7. What is your all-time favorite book? So many things to consider! Obviously the asker of this question isn't aware that to even consider answering this question would send me into a tail spin. So let's pretend that this question says, "Which book have you read more than any other book?" And the answer to that question is, of course, Ethan Hawke's Ash Wednesday. You expected me to say The Hottest State, didn't you? Well, I didn't. I like Ash Wednesday better. Also, speaking of The Hottest State, I have a copy of the uncorrected proof, not for individual retail sale version that was sent out before the book was published. And I'm pretty dern proud of it.

Did you know that?

8. How many books do you read at once? I like to read one at a time because I get so into my books that I get all of the characters and things confused. Unless I'm reading a novel and something instructional. I can do that, obviously. But I don't like it. Books are too much like people to me and I don't like having a telephone conversation with someone while my friends are sitting right in front of me. It's the same.

9. What is your favorite book genre? I have such a specific go-to genre. I have to push myself to read other things but when I just need something that I know I'm going to enjoy, then I go to the memoir section and I find something that was written in the past 20 years--preferably by a man, usually with mommy issues. I don't. know. why.

10. Which Harry Potter book is the best? Or haven’t you read them at all? *facepalm*

Maybe I'll just institute a BYO Antihistamine policy at my house. Or: Look What I Made!

There are about five people who come over to my house on a semi-regular basis. That is to say that I have about five friends who do not feel the need to make me get up from the couch, walk to the door, and open it when they knock on it. They knock and enter. That is comfortable friendship and I appreciate it.
I also have a cat. My cat is awesome and pretty and totally chilled out and everybody loves her, except for when they don't because 3/5 of my friends are allergic to cats. That's kind of a large percentage, I think. Maybe I'm wrong. I haven't done any research. I'm only an internet statistician--the kind that don't need research or fair sample subjects to come up with their findings.
And Kiki will lay just about anywhere, too. Her favorite spot is a stack of boxes that I had sitting next to my couch, one day. I intended to move them but she just loves them so much that I left them there and now it's kind of her area. She's also more than happy to lounge in the sunbeams wherever they may be--usually all over a dark-colored chair or a stack of recently washed and folded towels.
I can tell that she's just teaching me a lesson about putting your laundry away right after folding it. Right now she's laying in an open window, next to a 1980's Reader's Digest collection of stories that are all written in German. Siamese, they are so smart.
So, yeah, she lays everywhere and gets her hair everywhere and it's not so much a problem for me because I don't have an allergy and also I keep a lint roller next to the front door. But it is a problem for my friends and I thought that if I could create a nice place for Kiki to hang out--a bed of sorts, then I could deep clean the rest of my furniture and then my friends wouldn't have such itchy, watery eyes. That's just a theory, though.

So I looked at Walmart and, here's the thing, I don't have a legitimately styled home or anything but I do not want some huge pillow covered with acrylic fur in a cheetah print on my floor. And that hideous wreck was the best that they could offer. Other options included, like, little scenes of kitties scampering with balls of yarn. Not even. remotely. adorable. Not only were they hideous but they started at over $20 and I'm in no position to drop down twenty bucks on something that I totally hate. So I did what any girl with a ten dollar bill and a day off would do. I made my own. First, I looked online for DIY projects and I didn't like any of them except for this one (which I know she would love but I don't have the patience for as I know it would be easily destroyed) or this one (that is completely bad-ass but probably not worth the effort since I wouldn't guarantee that she'd actually use it). So I made up my own. Here's how it went down.

Genesis and I walked down to Java John's. Java John's is a coffee shop in town where they roast their own beans and what to places like that have for sale on the cheap? That's right, leftover coffee sacks. So we went and picked one out. The one that we really liked what a lighter shade and it had hot-pink stamps and blue markings all over it and it was from Brazil. But it was so stiff that Genesis thought that Kiki would not like to lay on it very much.
This one is still cool, though, and there's handwriting on the back of it and it's much more soft. Well, as soft as you can reasonably expect burlap to be.
Kiki loves to lay on stacks of laundry so what better thing to fill her new bed with than all the clothes that are too junky and holey to take to the thrift store? That's right. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle, bitch.

And if you're looking at that pile of laundry and thinking, "those look a lot like my pajamas", then I should tell you, Steven, you're probably not going to get those pants back.

I took the laundry and folded it up and, in neat little stacks, I stuffed it into an old pillowcase that I had laying around. Then I quickly stitched up that pillowcase just so that I wouldn't have to worry about the contents falling out as I was assembling this thing.
See? Also I should mention that it was at this point that Kiki was aware of what I was creating for her and was overwhelmed with gratification that she couldn't stop rubbing her face all over me. It is difficult to sew with a kitty all up in your face. It was funny, though, and I wanted to get documentation of it but that just adds a whole 'nother level of difficulty. Suffice it to say that I bled a little during this process. And I may or may not have stabbed my cat. I really don't know.

Then I cut off the top of the bag (because it was 1/2 sewn shut and apparently had only been half opened by some sort of hatchety device). And I was all, like, crap it's going to totally unravel if we mess with it. And I have a cat! What do I do? I decided to worry about it later. In the mean time, I stuffed that little package of old laundry down into the bottom of the bag. And there it is.
See? 69 net kilos of discarded laundry. Oh, and also I solved the problem of the unraveling by folding it all up before I folded it all up and tacked it with...
Decorative buttons! These do not serve an actual button-y purpose but I suppose that if I had means/ patience/ ambition to do so, I could do something like that. Unfortunately I'm fresh out of those things. I just have the buttons. I considered not putting them on but I'm glad that I did because Kiki likes rubbing her face on them. Cats are weird.
This picture is blurry because she was expressing her gratitude with such ferocity.
And there it is. Finished product, it really only took about an hour to do and it cost me $7. Five dollars for the bag and two dollars for the buttons. I also spent $1.50 on a needle and thread but I needed that to hem my work pants, anyway so I didn't count it into the cost.
Also, I should mention that Kiki hates her new bed. This is the closest I came to getting her to try it at all. I know, she'll come around but in the mean time, she'll stay right here.
Maybe I'll just institute a BYO Antihistamine policy at my house. Wa-waaaa.

Insecurity: I Has It

I saw a little girl today who was wearing safety-vest yellow tights and a navy blue trapeze dress with massive, vibrant appliqued polka-dots. She was walking behind her mother--pigtails bobbing up and down with every step. She was stunning. And I couldn't help but think about how, one day, she won't go near a trapeze dress because she'll be so aware of how they make your boobs look tiny and your ass look huge and isn't that just too bad? Is that what we're all nostalgic for when we think about childhood? The ability to be utterly unconcerned about the intensely important and simultaneously trivial matters. She has zero insecurities. She'll get them. When? What will her first one be? How can we keep it from happening and--let's get to the root of the question--is there any hope for me? You? Anyone? Can I go back and keep myself from ruining myself?

Is there anyone who doesn't second guess or berate themselves over the way that they look? Level of intelligence? Musical ability. Job performance. Health. What I eat. What I drive. What I wear. What I listen to. My house isn't clean enough. But now it's too clean, like no one lives here. Do I have enough ambition? Do I have any? Do I have enough money? Am I doing the right things with my money? Do I have enough of a sex drive? Is it too much? Do I think that I dress okay but when I get out in public, then people are like "who is the white girl wearing yellow?"? Are my roots showing? Can anyone tell that I jiggle when I giggle? Should I develop an interest in sports?

When did I become so self-aware and is "self-aware" even the right phrase to use since I'm constantly blowing myself completely out of proportion?

Insecurities: I have them.
Securities: I also have them.

For as much fear as I have about my body, I also have a lot of security in it. A lot of love for it. It's not so much a love/ hate relationship as much as it is a love/ feel-guilty-for-being-so-embarrassed-about-it relationship.
It's like when you're in high-school and your parents kiss you in front of your friends and you're ashamed and discount them but you, at the same time, feel bad about that because you're happy--ultimately--that they're there.

I pretend that no one can see the parts of my body that I know they can. I ignore it and I tell myself that everyone else does, too. But to be truthful, at the end of the day I could nearly worship my thighs for carrying me so many miles despite the physical and emotional abuse that I heap onto them. I rub lotions and exfoliants gratefully into my tummy and my breasts, my thighs and my relatively minuscule ass. They're not pretty. They're not traditional but they're me and I do love them twice as much as I loath them.

They say you shouldn't point out the things that you're insecure about because someone else will probably not even notice. But maybe I want you to notice. Maybe I want you to know so that I can own my insecurity in the same way that I need to own my thighs. I want to accept it. All of it. Look at myself, my body, my spirit, my mind and say, "this is my whole and this is my me."

And maybe one day I'll stop wondering what you all notice. But, then again, we may never be fixed.