My Break Up with Netflix

Oh my goodness! There is controversy and hurt feelings run amok all over the interwebs regarding the way that Netflix changed their prices. Outrage in the village, people! And, yeah, I did decide to cancel my subscription and, yeah, it did happen to coincide with said price changes but it really didn't have to do with them. Well, I guess maybe it did a little bit but not by much.

This is more a piece about how I go through phases. I'm sure you do, too? I'm only sure of that because all of my siblings do. My older brother goes through phases that are years and years and years long so maybe that's not so much a "phase" as much as an ever growing and expansive personality which might just be the right way to go about it. But the mind wants what it wants and my mind needs constant changing stimulation. But I go through phases. They're generally six months long or so. I go through healthy eating and regular exercise phases followed up by I'm-so-excited-about-cooking-things. I go through phases where I'm going to write every day--no matter what. This is subsequently followed by "What's the point? I'ma write only when I feel inspired because then everything will be gold! (no it won't)" I went through a meditation phase... it lasted about ten minutes (spread out over the course of a week). And then I go through rotating movie/ books phases. Those are really the only ones that are consistent. I know that if I'm going through a watch all of the movies phase, then I will inevitably stumble upon one good looking book review in Real Simple Magazine and then bum rush the library.

Did I just use the phrase "bum rush" appropriately? Probably I did not.

I had a professor in college who was from India. She was sweet and oftentimes unreasonable but definitely sweet and she would say things in a unique way. Like instead of saying, "I probably did not use "bum rush" correctly," she would say, "Probably I did not use "bum rush" correctly." Only I'm about a thousand percent certain that Shanti would never use "bum rush" under any sort of circumstance. Anyway, what started out as casual mockery (much like my use of the word "totes" and also "LOL") quickly morphed into my everyday vernacular. So... now I totes put "probably" into weird places in a sentence. Now you know. Do you love it? Probably it bugs the hell out of you like it did me. (Also, most of her "v" sounds came out as "w" sounds and you should have seen the look of confusion on our faces the first time she asked us to "identify the werb". It was mostly awesome but there was always that anxious self-doubt where you're wondering "is this the accent thing or just a word that I've never heard before...")

So now I'm going through a reading phase. I joined the adult summer reading program at the McPherson Public Library (because I am middle-aged and trying to fill my time since the Empty Nest Syndrome has set in) and it's forcing me to read a bunch of genres that I am not instinctively drawn to. I like that. I'm reading Latin American lit right now and, frankly, I'm feeling a little saucy. Also, I've been talking about starting up a local book club. I think my little town is in need of one and maybe as the summer comes to a close, then I'll seriously try to get one started if people are interested. I know I'm interested. I really miss talking about stories with people who have all read the same thing.

So anyway, Netflix, all that to say that's why I left you. I can almost guarantee that I'll come back to you at some point. But when I cancelled my subscription, you gave me this little questionnaire to fill out about why I was leaving. I checked the boxes that kind of worked for my reasons but it wasn't enough. You were like, "are you leaving me for Amazon? Hulu Plus?? You know you have to pay for that, too! Those bitches." But that's not it, Nettie, baby, honey, shhh... there's no one else. It's just--you're not it for me right now. Not, now. And I know you're going to send me occasional emails begging for me to return to you--and maybe I will. I get lonely sometimes at night.

And I really don't mind spending $7 a month to have you send dvd's to my house as often as I like. I really don't. Seven dollars is a steal! And if I ever streamed movies on my computer, then the new $15 price for both is still a really great deal! It is. It's just that if I'm absolutely not using this service, then I'm going to save my $7 and give it to Applebees in exchange for a sangria in a glass the size of a small fish tank. It's nothing against you. I just have priorities and those priorities involve Chuck Palahniuk and liquor. But it's not Hulu Plus. I promise, I'll never pay to stream a movie onto my laptop. That's just stupid.

Do you go through phases? Do you want to join my book club? Are you butt hurt because Netflix wants to charge you $4 more than you paid last month?

Things I Learned, Today. Or, An Unintentional Cafe Review

"Oh, my God I don't want to go on this plane ride alone." Long pause. "What if I die? Oh my God, what if I die? That would suck for my mom." Long pause. "What if the plane crashes and I'm the only one who dies?" Her friend asked, finally, "but what if you don't?"

I didn't hear anything after that. I walked out of earshot--I thought it was a nice time to move along. It was like a quick transitional scene in a film I'd never seen.
I wonder, though, when Girl 2 decided to befriend Girl 1, did she realize that she was buoying up next to a female, twenty-something, protestant Woody Allen? Did she know the neurosis that she was in for?

I was browsing my new, accidental favorite bookstore in Wichita. I was looking at the design magazines. Design magazines are so expensive but they are gorgeous. But I loved that I got to overhear that conversation. I loved it so much that I pulled up a table and re-wrote it on the back of another hastily written essay idea. My purse: it is full of barely legible, scrawled essay ideas, quick scenes, lines of provocative alliteration. Could there be a more ominous (not to mention) obvious first line for a sell-out, NY Times best seller?
Girl 1 and Girl 2 got up to leave shortly after I sat down but on their way out, she took a piece of what appeared to be coconut cream pie to go. I get it--I'd include that in my last meal, too.

So, yeah, I was driving from the only part of Wichita with which I am familiar to a part of Wichita that I've never been to--well, I have been there once before but it was dark and I was wearing platform shoes and had two cider drinks and forgive me if it didn't ring a whole lotta bells. Mid-trip, I was getting hungry and I was looking for a drive through. But I couldn't find any. I drove through a twisty-turny residential neighborhood. Those damn suburbs sprouting up out of nowhere all of the time. I passed bistros with names that had too many vowels to be pronounceable and I passed all kinds of McDonalds but I kind of have a thing about that. I don't mind grabbing a McChicken when I'm in McPherson but when I'm out of town I don't like to do anything that I could do at home. That means no Walmarts and no McDonalds. And that's about it because my little town pretty much only has Walmart and McDonalds.

So I'm driving down Douglas and I see a bookstore and I didn't even think, I just turned in. Usually, and especially in unfamiliar driving situations, it's difficult for me (even when I'm all alone) to make a decision but today I learned that I break for bookstores. I was in town for about four hours and, in addition to my stop at the mall, The Spice Merchant, and Starbucks, I visited three bookstores. This is one of the pure delights of the singleton. I can change my plans. Go wherever I want, stay as long as I want. And today I went to Watermark Books at the corner of Douglas and Oliver and I stayed for a while. And I want to go back--to join their Modern Classic book club where they discuss Post WWII fiction. I've always thought that I had such a specific taste in literature that it was beyond genre. But I was wrong. It's called "Modern Classic". Yet another example of how I tend to think I'm way cooler than I really am.

So there's the bookstore, which is what I went for and then there's the cafe--which got me to stay. The menu is kind of perfect except that you want to order based on your food tastes but it's hard to not incorporate some literary allegiance in there, too. If I'd read the menu more carefully, I would have gone with Whitman but I ate Lolita (just like Humbert--zing! Pow!).
The Moby Dick: a tuna sandwich, obviously
The Don Quixote: A salad comprised of field greens--and black beans and corn and other stuff.
Leaves of Grass: Bruschetta topped with a green/ cream cheese spread. Clever.
The Great Gatsby: A meatloaf sandwich--I loved the idea.
Breakfast at Tiffany's: Banana, peanut butter and honey on a bagel. That's breakfast at Libby's.
Like I said, I had Lolita. She was a turkey and provolone sandwich with pesto and walnuts. Friggin' delicious. Friggin'. Delicious.

I'm totes going back. Next time I get lost on my way downtown. Or next time I want to join a book club an hour away from my home.

So I learned that there's a name for my preferred genre of literature and I learned where a new (okay, so they've been around since the 70's but it's new to me) favorite chill-out-spot is and I learned that walnuts on a sandwich sounds uncomfortable but it's actually really great. Some other things I learned, today (these learning moments were digitally captured in my phone in an effort to keep you visually stimulated):

Suggestive advertising is suggestive.


Proactive is not only available via infomercial, it's also available in a vending machine.

Did you know that acne thrived on indecision? I'm not saying it's not true, I'd just like to see some sources.
Also, hundreds of years from now, someone's going to say "A Proactive vending machine--isn't the just the most quaint little antique?" And I'll be dead but I'll still be irritated.

Precious little baby bananas are sooo precious. Yes they are. Who's a precious baby banana?
I also learned, and this is one for which there (sadly, I know) is no photographic evidence, that if you ask for a free bra--sometimes you get a free bra. And it looks so good.