Dear Self in The 90's

I was a late bloomer in almost every way imaginable. I burst forth from my mother's womb a month early and I guess I was not impressed because I've been sort of a back-of-the-line girl ever since. Which is fine. I'm perfectly okay with that.
It is rumored that I was potty trained quite early on but an illness caused a little regression in that area. I'm not ashamed. I'm totally house trained now, and that's what counts.

I read this article called The Rush to Maturity over at The Curvy Girl Guide and it made me think about myself as a girl.

I was always slow to move along but always so anxious to do so. I was a nervous and sensitive type. Even as a little one, I was always concerned about everyone else's feelings. Despite the fact that I was not a terribly affectionate kid, my parents nick-named me Lovey Libby which embarrassed me because I did not think I was particularly loving or kind in my spirit--I was just afraid of attention.
I wanted to fly under the radar. I never sat in the back of the class and I never sat in the front. I was a B student. When it was my birthday and my mom had to make snacks, I remember insisting that she make chocolate and white in case some kids didn't like one flavor.

So while I was all concerned with everyone else and their feelings (and even the feelings of several inanimate objects), I always held the door for them. I let them be at the front of the line--because they wanted it more than I did. I let them win at games, because they clearly wanted to win and I was indifferent. (Even now, I'm not a competitive girl. I don't like playing games who have winners and losers because I always feel kind of bad when I end up winning.) It was never about the fact that I genuinely cared about everyone else though, I just knew that I was afraid of attention. I didn't want to be the first. I didn't want to be the last. I didn't want to be memorable. Now, that's all I want.

I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid of being wrong, so I never raised my hand in class. I was afraid of being slow, so I never played soccer at recess even though it looked like the other kids were having so much fun. I never wanted to look uncool so I never expressed any enthusiasm in anything--just in case I was enthusiastic about something particularly lame. And the whole time I was counting the days until I was older. I remember being 12 and thinking that when I was 13, then I'd probably finally break out of my shell and not be so scared of everyone and everything. I remember being 13 and thinking that 15 wasn't too far away, probably once I was fifteen then I'd finally be normal and cool. Until then, I'd just sit and wait. Guess what, "normal" and "cool" never showed up until those things were no longer important. Which is undoubtedly for the best.

Dear 1990's Libby,
I wish I could go back and tell you to not be afraid because life hurts whether you sit down or run so you might as well stretch your muscles.

I would tell you that DJ Tanner is the only girl in the whole world who is going on dates. You will not realize this until you are in your mid-twenties having drinks with your friends when you all discover at the same time that none of you have ever been on a date.

I would go back to that 5th Grade health class where they give you tiny books filled with shocking diagrams that explain the mystery that you discovered that one time you accidentally walked in on your 17 year-old cousin in the shower and wondered, probably out-loud, "Hair?! There?!" I would remind you that even though you are holding this book at the tender age of eleven, no one is yet going through these changes. This is not the newest normal that you're not keeping up with. I know that's how it feels but that's not the case. Stop looking at the other girls in your class wondering if they've started their periods yet. (But, probably gather the gumption to ask your mother for a bra much sooner than you actually do because--let's get that all under control early on, shall we?)

Please understand that you won the menstrual lottery when yours decided not to start until halfway through your 14th year. Also, everyone makes jokes about how a woman needs all of the chocolates during this time but I'm going to save you a lot of time and tell you right now that your chocolate is french fries and Pepsi. Try to limit your intake of these things during downtime because when it's on it's on and you will be shocked and ashamed to find yourself in a McDonald's drive-thru twice in one day. Just admit it right now that this is your lot in life. It's going to be a long 40 years.

Stop wondering if you're normal. If you don't understand this right now, you'll be nearly thirty before it hits you that no one is--which means that everyone is. Your body is perfectly normal. Your brain is perfectly normal. Your heart is perfectly normal. Your doubts--perfectly normal. You. Are. Perfectly. Normal.

Ah, but you know what? Don't change. Don't develop your confidence too early. Who knows who I would have become if you'd been thinner or more pretty. I probably would have a lot more regrets. Plus, it doesn't matter because you will develop confidence and you will become pretty and a lot of other important things at a time in your life when you're better prepared to deal with it. Even if it does feel much later than everyone else.

Don't stop looking forward to what's ahead of you but do start to take mental, appreciative notes of what you're in right now. You'll never really stop thinking that things will be better or more fun or more straightened out in a year or so. I think that's okay in moderation.

I love you and it is hard and lonely in places but I'm here to tell you that it will all be worth it.
Love,
You in 2011

So, I read that article and it didn't just make me reminisce about my own growing up--it made me anxious and hungry to hear about my friends when we were all young and weird. Katie and Staci said that they would blog about it (and I'll link to them when that becomes an option) but what about you? What kind of a kid were you? Tell me in the comments or email me and I'll throw you in as a guest blogger. At any rate, keep checking this little blog and the comments to hear more stories. I feel like we all have something to share about this.

Being Broke is Free!

We're coming to the last day of a very broke couple of weeks, my friends. Food-wise we (I say "we" but we all know I'm the only one who lives in this house, unless you count Kiki and it's coming to my attention that every day she wants to live here less and less...) were down to scrounging the desperate section of the pantry. You know what I'm talking about. There are things in your cabinets and you don't know how they got there because there's no way you'll eat them. For me, that's a can of beanie weanies. And not even the fancy kind. As if I'd eat them either way. Luckily for me, I've been creative enough to eat everything else and blessed enough to have people who want to have me over for dinner. So--it's cool. But when you're down to a dollar fifty in your checking account (which you are actually quite proud of) and you have a day off, you have to come up with all sorts of things to entertain yourself.
Yesterday Katie made a vlog about all sorts of things you could do if you are broke. Today, I'm going to expand on that thought and tell you all about the free things that I did, today! Being broke--it costs no moneys.

1. You wake up and you want--nay, require coffee. Because coffee is the most delicious drug I've ever had. Unless you count liquor as a drug. For the past week I've looked at the coconut rum in my fridge and thought, "Oh! I'll put that in my coffee!" And then I remember that it's booze that I'm wanting to put in my coffee at 7:30 in the morning. Indicative of a problem? I don't do it, you guys. Anyway, I always need to put something into my coffee and due to the aforementioned empty-fridge syndrome, I was out of both coffee creamer and also milk. I wasn't actually out of milk, milk was expired. So I went on a hunt and I searched between couch cushions and in pen cups and piggy banks and in the car and I came up with the $1.20 it takes to leave the gas station with a big cup of coffee. What?? So, that wasn't free but it was still awesome.

2. Update your Favorites list on Etsy so that when your friends become overwhelmed with love for you--love that can only be satisfied by buying presents, they'll know exactly where to go for ideas. (I've asked for presents twice in one week... man, I just want new stuff) The fun part about adding stuff to your favorites list on Etsy is that it's exactly like online shopping! But it's free (and you don't get anything in your mailbox)! (Seriously, though, there's a pair of shoes on that list that I'm going to be saving up for. I wants them.)

3. Do your laundry! You haven't had a day off in a hundred years and you've only got a few pairs of unders left. Just do the laundry. It's not fun (especially when your brother pretty much convinced you that the basement is full of bats and then you sort of spooked yourself into thinking that there might be a snake in the washing machine) but it needs to be done and there's no better time. Plus, you love folding the laundry (once you really get around to it). I'm out of laundry detergent, now, though so that next load won't be free anymore. But I'm excited about the new design of the Cheer label--so I'm going to buy it. That's how I make my decisions.

4. Consider a hobby. Perhaps cross stitch? People have been trying to teach me to knit/ crochet for years and years but everyone has given up. Maybe I can learn how to cross stitch or something. I want an old lady hobby. This activity did not take long.

5. Browse Tastespotting and come up with a shopping list so that you can make the delicious creations. You have to eat anyway, you might as well eat awesome stuff. For the record, next week I'll be making Pasta with Shrimp and Artichokes and also vegetarian (read: primarily black bean and avacado) tacos this week so anyone who wants in on any of that is more than welcome.

6. Learn how to Dougie. You can learn to do anything via YouTube. What existed before YouTube existed? How did people know how to tie their hair into fancy knots or dance or apply liquid eyeliner or cut their own hair? (I learned all of these things--today, alone!) Do not tape yourself Dougieing (which is, I assume, the correct way to say it?) but do take photographic evidence. Try to Dougie to every song that pops up on the internet radio to which you subscribe. Admit that, in fact, it's difficult to do any type of dance while Super Bass is playing but that might be because you are seriously friggin' impressed with Nickie Minaj. Anyway, photographic evidence of mein dancing efforts:

7. Utilizing another YouTube tutorial, cut your own bangs. Like a boss.


8. Blog about it all.

9. Then do the dishes for the same reasons outlined in the bit about laundry. But with totally different downsides.