tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507000978622569497.post348918369927183861..comments2023-05-25T02:34:44.749-07:00Comments on The Human Condition: Losing a Parent: Comforting a Complete StrangerLibby Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12621744095054412830noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507000978622569497.post-51873278310830178662011-06-21T17:58:57.928-07:002011-06-21T17:58:57.928-07:00Well, Jamie, you're a very close and personal ...Well, Jamie, you're a very close and personal friend of mine and therefore I'm positively certain that there's nothing that you could say or ask about my father that would be even remotely offensive or considered foot-in-mouth-worthy.<br /><br />The offense and irritation occurs when strangers assume to have any idea how I feel about it. Even (and sometimes especially) with people who have been a similar situation. Whether they think I'm very sensitive to the fact or when they say something so over the top and I-hope-this-makes-you-feel-better-y. Like, "Oh, he's in a better place" or "He's smiling down on you and very proud of the woman you've become" (Someone at work actually said that to me once and I wanted to punch him because he was using me and my feelings to soothe his own discomfort. But then I felt bad for wanting to punch him because he really was just trying to fix an unfixable scenario.)<br /><br />To answer your question, the ideal situation would be to never just assume that everyone you come in contact with has the same sort of life as you. Not everyone's dads are dead. Some people are in much worse situations than I am. Some children were abused by their fathers. Some were abandoned. So I would suggest not asking about family matters from someone that you'll probably never see again.<br />BUT sometimes things slip out and I prefer it the most when people say, with sincerity, "I'm sorry to hear that." Or, really, ANYTHING if it's truly delivered with sincerity.Libby Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12621744095054412830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507000978622569497.post-26434114017314936702011-06-21T07:15:11.552-07:002011-06-21T07:15:11.552-07:00Libby...thank you for always being so honest. I wa...Libby...thank you for always being so honest. I want you to know, though, if I ever put my foot in my mouth about your dad (which I probably did, because I do things like that o_O) I GENUINELY meant that I was sorry for saying that AND for the fact that your dad passed. <br /><br />In the spirit of honesty, what is the best way to react after having assumed such a thing? Is it better to nod, or is it better to handle it a different way?<br /><br />I love you, and I love your words, and I love that you chose to be real in that moment. I know it must be hard having to field all of the assumptions.Jamie Lighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04637306241396474657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507000978622569497.post-82445005931155078922011-06-20T10:20:08.711-07:002011-06-20T10:20:08.711-07:00my daughter is 7 and she sends cards to heaven she...my daughter is 7 and she sends cards to heaven she has done it for 2 years now. Her teacher told her that if she didn't have a exact address that he wouldn't get the card and it took her forever to explain to her teacher that she didn't need a address that she knew he'd get them anyway. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad but he is always with you watching you and seeing who you have become he is beside you in life guiding you in the after life as he did in this one.. keep that in mind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507000978622569497.post-40145969388881362492011-06-20T07:41:42.505-07:002011-06-20T07:41:42.505-07:00I'm so glad I don't do customer service. ...I'm so glad I don't do customer service. It's amazing to me that people can just ASSUME that everyone they talk to has a living father. I mean, the death rate is 100%. Everybody's dad goes at some point - doesn't this cross your minds, people!?Adam Parkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05826908205996140341noreply@blogger.com